Oasis

I know I've lost a step cognitively. I'm easily overwhelmed, easily frustrated. I can't do many of the things I used to do.

Now I'm the car other drivers honk and gesture at because I'm slow and overly cautious. I used to be the one who showed other people how to network their computers and peripherals, now I can't do it for myself. I bought a nice camera, but had to return it because I couldn't understand the instructions.

I don't think this is a physical problem. I recently tried and failed to become a kidney donor, but I did pass all the medical tests. The problem was I couldn't navigate the bureaucracy. Instead of helping me through it, they kicked me out of the program. I suppose that made their own lives a little easier.

So it goes.

I blame my decline on stress.

When my mother died a little over a year ago, I became my father's caretaker. It's been difficult. I loaned him a book I thought he would enjoy, and not only did he not like it, he marked the passages that particularly displeased him so he could read them to me. He listed for me all the songs Bobby Bare ruined by "not singing them properly." He listed the National Parks he doesn't want to go to, because they are likely to be too crowded. He does not like women who use cell phones, men who wear short pants, and anyone who is handicapped or obese. He used to watch the Texas Rangers, but he doesn't anymore because the players are "too happy" when they win.  The lawn crew did a half-assed job, they always do a half-assed job, he guesses they don't even care.  That's just this week, and it's not a complete list by any means.

The barrage of negativity becomes overwhelming. It's a hard way to start the day.

But last night I played an old George Harrison record, and Mona danced with me in the kitchen, and for just a few minutes I felt like myself again.

Someday things will be different, but for now I have to hang on to those moments.

They keep me going.

He's afraid, I know…

[embed]https://youtu.be/kjN31JA3rWI[/embed]

Full lyrics HERE.

Day and Night

Scanned from The Catholic Worker, August/September 2019

It looks like a different view of Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night

Good

"Be good to all, even if they’re not good to you. My father Rahmatullahi Alayhi used to say, 'Son, do good to all, whether you perceive them as good or not good to you. If they’re good to you, then you’ve done good to those who are worthy of receiving good. And if they’re not good to you, you are worthy of doing good. It is attributed to Shaykh Abdul Qader al-Jaylani to have said, "Do good to those who are worthy and those who are not, so that Allah Ta'ala gives to you when you are worthy and when you are not."'" ~Shaykh Dr Muhammad bin Yahya al-Husayni al-Ninowy Hafizahu'Allah (via)

"All of this is useless."

Excerpted from Entrance To The Great Perfection: A Guide To The Dzogchen Preliminary Practices by Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche, ©2010:

We should really have this aspiration. We should pray that one day we reach a stage where we have enough courage to become just like these eccentric people. Right now, we can only afford to be slightly nonconformist. A little bit of craziness is okay. It’s kind of character building activity. But we are very scared of going beyond that! We would be outcast and all that.

So we should pray that someday, we really become crazy. Not in the sense of becoming something like a lunatic from one of these asylums. The craziness we are referring to means going beyond the “eight worldly dharmas”; truly not caring whether you are being praised or criticized is the ultimate craziness. From the mundane, worldly point of view, whenever you are praised, you are supposed to be happy; when you are criticized, you are supposed to be unhappy. However, the sublime beings are not moved – that’s why we think they are crazy. This is what you have to aim for.

Don’t do this right now, because it will backfire on you! Just aspire. If you tried doing this now, it would not only fail to help your practice it would also upset others. So continue In a way that any decent human being would want you to behave. But at the same time, let this alarm continuously sound in your head: “All of this is useless.”

We don't know anything.

"Letting there be room for Not Knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know."  ~Pema Chödrön

Time is Tight

[embed]https://youtu.be/3ySJfxcNMTE[/embed]

I didn't recognize this until about the 1:00 mark.

End

"One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end."  ~Jiddu Krishnamurti

A&LD

If you are looking for something to read other than politics and celebrity gossip, try Arts & Letters Daily.

Maple Leaves

It's surprising how many people I know have looked into this.  If Canada ever offers open enrollment, there'll be a stampede.

Red In Tension

Red In Tension by Barbara Hepworth,1941

And Now She Raps

From the short story How to See a Bad Play by James Thurber, © 1935:

In Fig. 4 we take up the character who bobbed up (and down) oftenest in last year's bad plays (she bobbed up and down in some of the better plays, too, but mostly in the bad plays); namely, the elderly lady who is a good sport, a hard drinker, and an authority on sex.

I had no idea that stock character had been around ruining shows for over 80 years.

 

But First

"Every day, priests minutely examine the Law and endlessly chant complicated sutras. Before doing that, though, they should learn how to read the love letters sent by the wind and rain, the snow and moon."  ~Ikkyu

As They Experience It

"All animals are somebody-- someone with a life of their own. Behind those eyes is a story, the story of their life in their world as they experience it."  ~Tom Regan

Thinks He Is Alone

“You read something which you thought only happened to you, and you discover that it happened 100 years ago to Dostoyevsky. This is a very great liberation for the suffering, struggling person, who always thinks that he is alone. This is why art is important.” ~James Baldwin

That is also why blogs are important.

I'll See You In My Dreams

[embed]https://youtu.be/pOIBduKQz4Q[/embed]

Joe Brown is better known in the UK than in the colonies.  He has an innate kindness that always seems to shine through and charm.

Fundamentally Unperturbed

"If we allow ourselves to relax and take a mental step back, we can begin to recognize that all these different thoughts are simply coming and going within the context of an unlimited mind, which, like space, remains fundamentally unperturbed by whatever occurs within it."  ~Mingyur Rinpoche

Minnie & Rod

[embed]https://youtu.be/zh6bjEOSm_g[/embed]

Minnie Pearl and Rod Brasfield were close friends, and even though their material hasn't aged well it's still fun to see them enjoying each other's company.

Minnie Pearl has a smile that could turn winter into spring.  :D

Not Even

“The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”  ~William Faulkner, from Requiem for a Nun, Act I Scene III

Illusion

"My coffee was beginning to wear off and with it the momentary illusion it gives that things are Right and life is Good."  ~James Thurber, in The Black Magic of Barney Haller ©1935

18th Century Hippy

Too lazy
Ryōkan Taigu
from The Zen Poems of Ryokan, translation ©2014

Too lazy to be ambitious,
I let the world take care of itself.
Ten days’ worth of rice in my bag;
a bundle of twigs by the fireplace.
Why chatter about delusion and enlightenment?
Listening to the night rain on my roof,
I sit comfortably, with both legs stretched out.

The Big Taboo

"Our culture finds this question of losing very difficult. It’s very good about getting. Our consumer culture, especially nowadays, is all about getting, getting, getting. We throw away those things which were fashionable yesterday but are no longer fashionable today to get something new. We don’t have that attitude, though, toward our own bodies or the bodies of others. We don’t think that we too need to be recycled from time to time, but we do. It’s ironical that in our society everybody talks very openly about sex, which in other societies is a big taboo. But in our society, the big taboo is death."  ~Tenzin Palmo

One More Saturday Night

[embed]https://youtu.be/njbJ_DcA11o[/embed]

Bobby is having fun being a rock star.  Donna is having fun doing whatever that is that she's doing.

And I am having fun watching and listening.

Petty Concerns

"If we are attached to petty concerns and never aspired to anything great, we won’t accomplish much. What is petty and what is great? Petty is for oneself alone, for immediate gratification, and for harmful deeds, while great is for the many, for the long term, and for positive pursuits. Look closely-- what have you or those around you achieved? Avoid pettiness and aspire to great things!"  ~Ogyen Trinley Dorje

Somebody said that there is really only one sin-- selfishness-- and every other sin is just a branch from that one.

When I'm faced with a moral ambiguity, I reflect back on that and ask myself, "Who benefits?"  If the answer is "Only me," I know to tread carefully.

Perfect

[embed]https://youtu.be/9wxI4KK9ZYo[/embed]

There are people who will passionately argue that this is a song about heroin addiction, but Lou Reed always said it was about a lovely day in Central Park with his fiancée.  Of course, that raises a number of questions, too.

For some reason, the verse

Just a perfect day
You made me forget myself
I thought I was
Someone else-- someone good…

always hits me hard.  It's one of the saddest lines I've ever heard.

I'd love to hear Weezer cover this song.  As far as I know, they never have.

Full lyrics HERE.

What's the big deal?

"Renunciation mind is very simple in a way: we have renunciation mind when we realize that all this is not a big deal. Somebody steps on your toe-- what’s the big deal? The more we get used to this notion, the more we have renunciation mind. Renunciation somehow has this connotation of giving something up. But it is like the example of the mirage. You can’t give up the water because there is none; it is only a mirage. Moreover, you don’t have to give up a mirage, because what is the point of giving up a mirage? One need simply know that it is a mirage. Such understanding is a big renunciation. The moment you know that it is a mirage, most likely you will not even go there because you know it is fake. Or even if you do go, there is no disappointment because you already know what is there. At the very least you will only have a little disappointment."  ~Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche

Ah-haaa

Excerpted from Nashville’s Mother Church:  The History of Ryman Auditorium by William U. Eiland, ©1994:

One such act gaining nationwide exposure was Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys, whose song San Antonio Rose (YouTube Link) was the best-selling record of 1939. One of his guest appearances at the Opry caused an incident which Minnie Pearl describes best:

Bob Wills was young and handsome in that devil-may-care sort of way. When he did all that Texas hollering, that "Ah-haaa," some of the ladies would go all to pieces. He was the first person to park a bus in front of the Ryman, and what a sight they were coming out of it. He and the Playboys and San Antonio Rose all dressed in white cowboy outfits. Well, as you know, the Ryman has that semicircular balcony that curves around over the wings of the stage, and one of the ladies up there could not control herself when she saw Bob Wills. She stood up, started to shout, and fell out of the balcony directly onto the stage-- a real showstopper since they had to stop and pick her up.

She said that retelling the story reminded her of a routine she did with Rod Brasfield, who told her, "Miss Minnie, I shot my dog."

"Why?" asked Minnie. "Was he mad?"

"Well, he wasn't very happy about it," replied Brasfield.

So, when people asked her if the lady who fell out of the balcony was hurt by the fall, Miss Minnie always answered, "Well, it didn't help her any."

Signature Style

Excerpted from A Geography of Time by Robert Levine, ©1997:

The Chinese developed an incense clock. This wooden device consisted of a series of connected small same-sized boxes. Each box held a different fragrance of incense. By knowing the time it took for a box to burn its supply, and the order in which the scents burned, observers could recognize the time of day by the smell in the air.

If he hadn't told already told you that it was the Chinese who invented an incense clock, I bet you would have guessed it.  That just seems like the sort of thing they'd do.

 

With Those Who

Scanned from Catholic Worker, June/July 2019

Perfectly Satisfied

Excerpted from A Geography of Time by Robert V. Levine,  ©1997:

In the United States, today’s latest hit, by its nature, becomes tomorrow’s throwaway. Fred Turk, who was a colleague during my year in Brazil, is a U.S. citizen who has spent most of his adult life teaching in countries throughout South America. “I don’t know if I could ever return to the States,” he told me. “I’m always amazed by how alien I feel when I visit. It seems like every time I return people have totally cleared their shelves of yesterday’s fashions-- not only in clothes, but in music and art and everything else. Even the language seems to change. I never know how to dress, what to talk about or even what words sound foolish. Sometimes, particularly with young people, I can’t even follow the conversation.”

Turk is describing the U.S. addiction to change that occurs over the time span of weeks and months. An even more dramatic craving for variety may be observed in moment-to-moment shifts. We see this, for example, in the shrinking attention span of television viewers. The popularization of remote control devices and multiple cable stations have produced a generation of what media analysts call “grazers.” Recent studies indicate that these viewers change stations as much as 22 times per minute, or once every 2.73 seconds.  They approach the airwaves as a vast smorgasbord, all of which must be sampled, no matter how meager the helpings. Compare these grazers to the traditional people of Indonesia, whose main entertainment consists of watching the same few plays and dances, month after month, year after year.  Each viewer knows every nuance of movement and each word of dialogue but are perfectly satisfied to return again and again.

I like repetition, myself.  When I lived alone, I ate the same things every day and was perfectly content.  I take a lot of satisfaction in re-reading old books, listening to old albums, seeing familiar birds at my feeder.  I don't have a cell phone, and the only thing I watch on cable is baseball.

I was born American, but I identify as Traditional Indonesian.

 

I

"The very purpose of religion is to control yourself, not to criticize others. Rather, we must criticize ourselves. How much am I doing about my anger? About my attachment, about my hatred, about my pride, my jealousy? These are the things which we must check in daily life."  ~the 14^th Dalai Lama, excerpted from Kindness, Clarity, and Insight ©2013

First

Appropriately, it's the last sentence that's the most important:

Marsiela Gomez, a doctoral student in pharmacology at Johns Hopkins, is a part Mayan who was raised in a culture that taught the value of waiting for others to speak first. This habit has often caused problems for her in the United States: “It is very frustrating, because people think I have nothing to add. Sometimes I find that when you wait to speak the answers are upcoming. In this society, it’s so important for individuals to own a point of view that everyone feels the need to be the first to put a certain opinion forward. Oftentimes, if I wait long enough, someone will express my point of view.” She adds, “Sometimes if one waits too long, the subject changes and then my response is no longer relevant. The need to be heard first seems to be more important than the appropriate response.”  ~Excerpted from A Geography of Time by Robert Levine, ©1997

Abusive Relationship

The idea that I could be my own abuser is not an idea that ever occurred to me before.

Hmm…

I'll just dream and stay tan

[embed]https://youtu.be/ljuJnUYozUg[/embed]

Chances are pretty good I first heard this song on AM radio; a half-inch mono speaker pressed to my ear.

Full lyrics HERE.

Two Daughters of the Devil

Excerpted from Nashville's Mother Church:  The History of Ryman Auditorium by William U. Eiland, ©1994:

None was more famous or gifted than preacher Billy Sunday, who led revival meetings in the Tabernacle (later Ryman Auditorium) in the 1920s and 1930s. Once, as prominent Nashville attorney and author Jack Norman, Sr., relates, the Reverend Sunday held a service at which he condemned lower Broadway and the red light district of Nashville as "the devil's backbone." He excoriated the city's fathers for allowing such goings on in a co-called Christian city. On this occasion the crowd included two ladies who happened to be employed in that district and had come to hear the famous Reverend Sunday, probably more out of curiosity than genuine interest in salvation. Their curiosity satisfied, they did not remain to be saved. "They arose and started to walk out," said Norman. "When Sunday saw this, he could not resist the chance to further condemn and shouted to the audience, 'See, there goes two daughters of the devil!' Having nearly reached the exit, one of them turned, waved to Sunday, and shouted back, 'Good-bye, Daddy!'"

Twilight

Twilight by Maxfield Parrish, 1935

Parrish's paintings are large, typically about 1/2 to 2/3 scale, and up close you can see that the final work is almost a collage of earlier works.  Many features have been carefully (and literally) cut-and-pasted from other canvases.

If you ever get the opportunity to see his art in person, be sure to take advantage.  There are a lot of things going on you can't see from a picture on the internet.

As

"Treat every moment as your last. It is not preparation for something else."  ~Shunryu Suzuki