Living in the Maha-Mantra

They say there are no atheists in foxholes, but that hasn't been my experience. My moments of loss and fear are the times I feel most alone.

I've read more religious texts than most, from all the major religions and quite a few of the minor ones, and they've helped make me a better person, but faith just isn't the protective armor for me that it seems to be for others.

This has been a rather robotic existence since I lost my mother. I'm doing all the things I've always done-- exercising, praying, eating nice meals, writing letters-- but I'm not taking any joy in them. I just do them out of habit, and out of fear that if I stop moving I'll never start again.

I'm trying very hard to live in the present. The past is gone, the future looks bleak, so if there's any time to be happy, it's right now. Still, I'm struggling.

There are people who depend upon me. I have responsibilities. I can't let them down.

Hare was the creative force, Krishna was the enjoyer of the present, Rama was all about duty. I suppose I'm tilted heavily toward Rama at the moment.

"When you feel there is an unfair burden on your shoulders, that's just the way it is sometimes." ~Forrest Gump

That quote makes me smile. I wouldn't say I have an unfair burden; people have helped me in the past, now I'm helping people in the present. That's just the way it is.

Rama, Rama…

"I'm tired of waiting for Godot."  ~Lawrence Ferlinghetti, in Junkman's Obligato ©1958

"I don't see him."

A Q&A by Lawrence Ferlinghetti following a poetry reading in 1960:

Question by a serious student before a huge crowd at University of Vermont conference: "Sir, how you stand on fornication?"

Answer: "As for fornication, I very seldom stand; I lie down."

Second question: "Do you really think Christ is dead?"

Answer: "The way the world acts today, you would think so. He's not here tonight, is he? I don't see him."

Voice from the back of the auditorium: "Here I am."

Excerpted from Writing Across the Landscape, © 2015

Coca-Colonization

Lawrence Ferlinghetti's travel journals read, not surprisingly, very much like his poetry.

This excerpt from Writing Across the Landscape (© 2015) records his thoughts attending a poetry conference at the Universidad de Concepción in Chili, in the early part of 1960:

The impression I have is that a great fat omnivorous crab named United States of America is sitting on top of the Pan-American hemisphere, sucking the marrow from its soft underside. The Coca-Colonization of the world…

Alternative States

In her book Meditation for Beginners: Techniques for Awareness, Mindfulness & Relaxation (©2002),  Dr. Stephanie Clement muses a bit about altered states of mind:

In the sixties, we thought an altered state of mind was something induced by drugs. Not that drugs are anything new; alcoholic beverages alter one's consciousness, and they have been around since about the beginning of recorded history or longer. Opiates have been used for both medicinal and recreational purposes since the first century or earlier. Coffee and chocolate alter the brain's chemistry, and thus the state of consciousness. Some of us are affected by the weather.

With the introduction of Hinduism and Buddhism in the West, we have incorporated some of the basic principles of mind-altering practices into our daily language. We joke about good or bad karma (a Sanskrit term). Whe we say, "Give me space," oftentimes what we really mean is "Give me both the time and space I need to think."

Now, at the beginning of the twenty-first century, we alter our minds with television, the Internet, and electronic games. Using technology, we can enter a virtual reality and experience something very like the real deal. We use aromatherapy to soothe our bodies and minds. We use headphones to shut out ambient reality and to create a different one for ourselves. We have dozens of ways to tune in, tune out, and turn on.

Actually, we enter an altered state of consciousness very frequently.

A Beautiful Place

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I came across a trove of Lawrence Ferlinghetti's books at the used book store.

I have to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy Beat Poetry.  (Ferlinghetti denies he is a Beat, but at the very least there's a kinship.)  Anyway, I guess that's where I am at the moment.

Whatever It Was

Let’s go
Come on
Let’s go
Empty our pockets
And disappear.
Missing all our appointments
And turning up unshaven
Years later
Old cigarette papers
stuck to our pants
leaves in our hair.
Let us not
worry about the payments
anymore.
Let them come
and take it away
whatever it was
we were paying for.
And us with it.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti intended for Junkman's Obbligato to be an eternal work-in-progress; improvised words against an improvised jazz background.

But I do think the words stand on their own.  There are several transcripts on the internet, one of which is HERE.

Keep On Truckin'

"You keep going. That is the bodhisattva’s way. As long as it benefits even one being you have to, without any sense of discouragement, go on."  ~Rangjung Rigpe Dorje, 16th Karmapa (via)

Sometimes my posts are just little notes to myself, so I don't forget.

No matter how many bible verses you quote me, if you are asking me to do something unkind, the answer is "No."

"I was immensely proud that I had been able to give her a comfortable life."

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Recommended by Aw Diddums.

Learn Practice Teach

"If we ourselves remain angry and then sing world peace, it has little meaning. First, our individual self must learn peace. This we can practice. Then we can teach the rest of the world." ~14th Dalai Lama  (via)

Stop

“Meditation is not meant to help us avoid problems or run away from difficulties. It is meant to allow positive healing to take place. To meditate is to learn how to stop-- to stop being carried away by our regrets about the past, our anger or despair in the present, or our worries about the future.”  ~Thich Nhat Hanh (via)

Still

I visited Mesa Verde with my Dad one October, and my most vivid memory is a simple, quiet moment.

As we sat among the ruins, for just a few minutes, there were no sounds at all. No electric motors hummed, no tires droned against pavement, no distant thump from a stereo; no human voices or airplanes overhead. It was perfectly still.

A hundred years ago, this would not have been unusual.

Now there are people living their entire lives without ever having this experience.

"We stoked each other's anger. And it felt good."

Via Humans of New York:

“I felt humiliated and suicidal in college. It seemed like my personal failings were on display for everyone to see. I’m not all that attractive. I have a speech impediment. I’m not good socially. I saw other guys having romantic success and I felt a lot of envy. I concluded that women owed me something. They owed me a chance. And I was angry they weren’t giving it to me. I’m ashamed of it now, but during that time I formed a lot of bad and hateful opinions. I joined ‘incel’ communities on 4chan and Reddit. I found a lot of men there who felt just like me. The community provided this pseudoscientific justification for hating women. It let us feel like it wasn’t our fault. We stoked each other’s anger. And it felt good. Honestly, anger is just very addictive. You want to feel angry when you’re suffering. It gives you adrenaline. It gets your endorphins going. It’s a release. It’s a substitute for what you’re missing.”

He's not really so unusual.

Outrage is America's drug of choice- and there's a dealer on every news channel.

Time

It's pretty simple to upset the applecart.

That Time Obama Consoled Dave McKenna

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Quiet

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(It seems kind of odd to have included background music on this one, but they did.  Towards the end he's a little hard to hear.)